Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I'm Alive.

So, I made it. I survived Christopher leaving.

It was pretty much the hardest thing that I think either of us have ever done. My tear ducts definitely got some excercise the day he left. If it were just the two of us, it still would have sucked but having to watch him say goodbye to Bean knowing he wouldn't see her again until September was just awful. It broke my already shattered heart into tinier and tinier pieces.

As we were getting ready to make the drive to the drop off point, I handed him Bean's outfit so he could get her dressed. I left the room to brush my teeth and when I came back, I saw Christopher in his uniform crying. He had only gotten as far as her onesie and asked me to finish getting her dressed because he couldn't do it. It was too sad for him knowing that this was the last time he was going to get her dressed until he was able to visit for two weeks on his midtour. Broke. My. Heart.

We sat in the car for a little bit while he held her and he couldn't hold back tears. He asked her not to forget him. Again... heartbreaking.

I hate this. I miss my best friend. I miss my partner. I miss seeing Bean with her daddy. I miss his smell. I miss his warmth. I miss the goofy dances before leaving the room. I miss the excitement I'd feel when I knew he'd be coming home from work soon. I miss the way he looks at me. I miss every single thing about him.

I wish I could fast forward to next March. I don't want Bean to grow up, but I can't wait for Christopher to be back in our lives permanently.

When I'm feeling really sad, I look at Bean's full head of dark hair just like her daddy's and I feel a little better. Right now, she's my reason to wake up in the morning and put a smile on my face.


Breanna said...

Awww Tina {{{Big Hugs}}} That totally made me cry. Praying for you and your family. I hope these few months go by fast so you guys can see hubby again.

mini said...

=( Hang in there! Hope September rolls around quickly.

Keri said...

I got teary too girl. I know it sucks major ass...Fly one of your BFF's over next month to make you laugh your ass off and have something to look forward to. DON"T SIT IN THAT APARTMENT!!!!!

Dot said...

Tina, i'm so sorry you have to go through this! My sister had to do the same thing and it was horrible. My husband travels a lot and it's so hard, so I cannot imagine having to say good bye for that long. I will keep you and your little Bean in my prayers:) she is such a doll! Are you getting any sleep? Do you have a facebook? I would love to chat sometime! Look me up if you do... Lindsie Polhamus.
Good luck Love...

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