"Don't Judge Me"

So, I had sex last night. Obviously, I failed at following doctor's orders. If I waited the full 6 weeks, the only type of sex I'd be having is with my vibrator since Christopher would be gone. So, sorry doc!

I felt like a horrible mother. The first time having sex with a new baby sharing the same roof was just kind of weird. I know, I'll get over it. It just kind of freaked me out a little. So, we rushed it. And rushing it was probably a horrible idea. They really aren't lying when they say that breastfeeding dries you out. Apparently in the last four weeks, the fucking Sahara Desert has taken up residence in my underpants. Of course we didn't have lube because this normally is a non-issue for us. Combine that with having to get used to Christopher again after 4 weeks and it was like losing my virginity. And really, how fucking fun was that the first time around? Afterwards, I went to get Isabella and she had at some point thrown up all over herself. As I picked up my baby with throw up all over her head, I was convinced that CPS was going to break down my door and whisk her away.

I was determined to make tonight better. Before leaving the house, I informed Christopher that we needed to buy lube and condoms. His response? "The commissary has self check out right?" So off we went to the commissary. As he got ready to get out of the car I told him to grab some bread. He laughs and says, "Lube, condoms, and bread. Great combination!"

A little while later I see him walking back to the car shaking his head. He had gone through a regular line and two teenage girls were the cashier and bagger. All he could say when they rang him up was "Don't judge me."

It would have made my day to check out a guy who purchased those items. I would have come up with all sorts of sick shit he would be using the bread for instead of actually making sandwiches.

Oh, and tonight was better. The grilled cheese sandwiches were also good.

Gobble Gobble!

I'm an idiot.

I feel like I'm a Thanksgiving turkey right now. Stuffed and on the brink of exploding. Why do I feel this way? Well, never mind the fact that I have a human being taking over my body, I also decided to keep her company with a ridiculous amount of food. Why do I always do this to myself? I am so miserable right now I could just throw a tantrum and kick people in the shins. I just wish I had people to kick in the shins. I don't think PB would appreciate that and I would just feel like an asshole if I kicked the dogs. Vega already has a bum leg and Philly... well he just looks pathetic to begin with.

I'm seriously tired of being pregnant. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it and tell PB that this is our one and only child because I refuse to go through this again. I know I'll be a total idiot and do this again though. Do you think one day we'll evolve and reproduce in a way that doesn't totally suck ass? Dude, I want to live in THAT future. The top of my belly button is starting to poke out. Cute yeah? No.

I cried last night. I was looking at a clothing website that had really cute dresses. Honestly, I have nowhere to go that I'd need a fucking dress but that's not the point. I could wear them if I didn't look like I had a basketball stuck to me. So then I start thinking about how I'm going to look after I have this baby and I get scared. I mean seriously... where did all this extra skin come from? I don't have stretch marks yet but I am going to get bigger than this. It's just hard for me to understand how I even had room/skin to grow as much as I did but after the baby.... where the fuck does it all go??? What if I just have this deflated tire of extra skin around my mid-section?

So I'm laying in bed feeling pretty sorry for myself and PB tries to get frisky. I just feel so disgusted with how I look that I tell him no and start crying. Pathetic right? So then he stops and tells me that I'm still beautiful and I'm not fat. I start blubbering about my horrible pregnancy acne and my stupid hair and my fat arms and legs and he just tells me I'm silly and that everything will be fine after the baby. I waited until he fell asleep and then I woke him up to have sex. LOL! I find myself doing this a lot now. I don't know what my deal is! He'll start getting frisky and I'll tell him no. He starts falling asleep, and I get irritated that he's falling asleep and then I initiate. I mean what the hell is that about?

So yeah, one of the many reasons I think my sanity said goodbye a long time ago.

It's a celebration bitches!

I've rejoined civilization! We are out of Sierra Vista, AZ and now we're hanging out at my parents in Austin, TX. Oh the pretty stores! The nice normal people! And having a variety of restaurants to choose from? GLORIOUS! After our three months in Sierra Vista, I've realized that I can NEVER live in a small town. I would die. I'm pretty sure I was about 3 days away from going absolutely bat shit crazy. Well really, I don't have a choice in this matter for the next 7 or so years. The Army tells us where to live so if there's someone's ass I can kiss, I wish they'd point me in the right direction. We fly out to Germany on Monday. Sadly, we're going to a small town in Germany but I'm trying to make myself feel better because hey, it's Germany!

My back is killing me. I feel like an old person. I seriously am beginning to believe that my pimples are like little settlers fighting for valuable real estate on my face. It's getting really hard to move around and I think I'm only a couple of weeks from needing a fucking forklift to help me get off the couch.

It's me and PB's one year wedding anniversary. We had a super romantic day of driving down to Fort Hood with my parents, eating Jack in the Box breakfast sandwiches (and yes, I also had a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and curly fries in addition to my breakfast combo... bite me), and following my mom around the PX and Commissary and trying to hurry her along. When we got home, I got a surprise delivery of beautiful red roses and then PB and I went to go eat Pho for dinner. YUM. It's what we ate on our first date. I know, how cute! Now our friend Parker is driving up from San Antonio to stay the night at my parent's house for the next two nights before we go to Germany. PB is an ass. He wants to golf tomorrow morning so now his friend is sleeping over tonight. Annnnnnnd, PB has been drinking with my dad. If he gets Whiskey Dick on our anniversary, I'm going to be pissed.

I'm getting laid tonight. Seriously though, as if having sex in my parents house wasn't awkward enough (did I mention my 19 year old sister also lives at home), now we're adding a friend to the household. It's not like I can be like "Hey Assholes! I need to get me some so go to bed!"

Oh, and I got my Kindle in the mail yesterday. I get really bored and buy things to make myself feel amused for a while. I'm already bored with it =\ Mostly because I still have real books to read and I just really love buying and collecting books. I like the way they feel in my hands and the way they smell and I like seeing them on the bookshelf. I guess the Kindle makes sense though in cutting down the poundage for when we have to pack up and move. So far, the only thing I've downloaded is The Picture of Dorian Gray to read again. Seriously, it was free! What's not to love about that?

I'm late on reading this but I just started Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol.

Pho and Salted Pepper Chicken. YUM!