Monday, February 21, 2011

"Don't Judge Me"

So, I had sex last night. Obviously, I failed at following doctor's orders. If I waited the full 6 weeks, the only type of sex I'd be having is with my vibrator since Christopher would be gone. So, sorry doc!

I felt like a horrible mother. The first time having sex with a new baby sharing the same roof was just kind of weird. I know, I'll get over it. It just kind of freaked me out a little. So, we rushed it. And rushing it was probably a horrible idea. They really aren't lying when they say that breastfeeding dries you out. Apparently in the last four weeks, the fucking Sahara Desert has taken up residence in my underpants. Of course we didn't have lube because this normally is a non-issue for us. Combine that with having to get used to Christopher again after 4 weeks and it was like losing my virginity. And really, how fucking fun was that the first time around? Afterwards, I went to get Isabella and she had at some point thrown up all over herself. As I picked up my baby with throw up all over her head, I was convinced that CPS was going to break down my door and whisk her away.

I was determined to make tonight better. Before leaving the house, I informed Christopher that we needed to buy lube and condoms. His response? "The commissary has self check out right?" So off we went to the commissary. As he got ready to get out of the car I told him to grab some bread. He laughs and says, "Lube, condoms, and bread. Great combination!"

A little while later I see him walking back to the car shaking his head. He had gone through a regular line and two teenage girls were the cashier and bagger. All he could say when they rang him up was "Don't judge me."

It would have made my day to check out a guy who purchased those items. I would have come up with all sorts of sick shit he would be using the bread for instead of actually making sandwiches.

Oh, and tonight was better. The grilled cheese sandwiches were also good.


Chantelle said...

That's great that you could have sex so early afterwards. With my first baby I had a second degree tear and it was THREE months before we could have sex.
With number two it was like five weeks. So much better. Don't feel like a bad mom. You're still a woman.
The only thing that I don't like is when my hubby pays with my boobs. It creeps me out. I'm like "those are for the baby, not you!!"

Chelsea said...

LOL! I can totally relate on so many levels. It IS like losing your virginity all over again, and things are amazingly dry down there... The first problem gets better fast... The second... Well, we're still working on it.

Miranda Hartrampf said...

Mt husband and i didn't have sex for DAMN NEAR 3 MONTHS. He refused to screw me all of October, November, December and January. I finally got sex in February, and it HURT like a mother... virginity lost all over again. The freaking stitches may not have healed... idk but its finally AMAZING once again and i forgot how much i LOVED sex HAHAHA

My husband DOESN'T buy condoms or lube... he makes me do it because hes to embarrassed. He can't even be in the checkout with me when i get them.

And yet he has no problem buying me tampons. HE says tampons make him look like a good husband and condoms make him look like a cheater.

And don't worry i have had my CPS moment with Chloe. CONGRATS on Isabella!!!! Shes adorable.

T B said...

Chantelle - Yeah, I kept my bra on. I could just imagine milk pouring out during sex and it was NOT a sexy image.

Miranda - Seriously, LOL! I had to show Christopher your comment about why your husband doesn't like to buy condoms!

Tara said...

bahahah i just found your blog from here comes the sun, & litterly laughed my ass off, you have made me a follower!

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