Friday, November 19, 2010

Gobble Gobble!

I'm an idiot.

I feel like I'm a Thanksgiving turkey right now. Stuffed and on the brink of exploding. Why do I feel this way? Well, never mind the fact that I have a human being taking over my body, I also decided to keep her company with a ridiculous amount of food. Why do I always do this to myself? I am so miserable right now I could just throw a tantrum and kick people in the shins. I just wish I had people to kick in the shins. I don't think PB would appreciate that and I would just feel like an asshole if I kicked the dogs. Vega already has a bum leg and Philly... well he just looks pathetic to begin with.

I'm seriously tired of being pregnant. Sometimes I just want to say fuck it and tell PB that this is our one and only child because I refuse to go through this again. I know I'll be a total idiot and do this again though. Do you think one day we'll evolve and reproduce in a way that doesn't totally suck ass? Dude, I want to live in THAT future. The top of my belly button is starting to poke out. Cute yeah? No.

I cried last night. I was looking at a clothing website that had really cute dresses. Honestly, I have nowhere to go that I'd need a fucking dress but that's not the point. I could wear them if I didn't look like I had a basketball stuck to me. So then I start thinking about how I'm going to look after I have this baby and I get scared. I mean seriously... where did all this extra skin come from? I don't have stretch marks yet but I am going to get bigger than this. It's just hard for me to understand how I even had room/skin to grow as much as I did but after the baby.... where the fuck does it all go??? What if I just have this deflated tire of extra skin around my mid-section?

So I'm laying in bed feeling pretty sorry for myself and PB tries to get frisky. I just feel so disgusted with how I look that I tell him no and start crying. Pathetic right? So then he stops and tells me that I'm still beautiful and I'm not fat. I start blubbering about my horrible pregnancy acne and my stupid hair and my fat arms and legs and he just tells me I'm silly and that everything will be fine after the baby. I waited until he fell asleep and then I woke him up to have sex. LOL! I find myself doing this a lot now. I don't know what my deal is! He'll start getting frisky and I'll tell him no. He starts falling asleep, and I get irritated that he's falling asleep and then I initiate. I mean what the hell is that about?

So yeah, one of the many reasons I think my sanity said goodbye a long time ago.


madge said...

We are so the same person. Why do we even torture ourselves? I'm constantly flipping through Ty's "Runners World" mags and sighing loudly. I used to do that! I had those quads! Where are they now? Oh, yeah covered under 30 pounds of baby. Anyway, your husband is probably thrilled that you initiate whether you have to wake him up or not. I pull that on Ty all the time.

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