Sunday, November 21, 2010

Sometimes, I think violence IS the answer.

I'm having a rough 24 hours. Mostly, it's PB pissing me off to no end. This post is probably going to make him sound like a total asshole but I have to keep reminding myself that he's not. He's just incredibly fucking stupid sometimes.

So, we're in Germany. I get it. He's excited, he loves beer, he hasn't been able to do much "fun" stuff since I've been pregnant. But guess what asshole? Neither have I! And I promise you, I'm having a more miserable time than you could on your worst very un-pregnant day. We've had issues in the past couple of months while he was at school with him asking me to go to BW3's with him so he could watch football and drink beer. He didn't want to be an asshole and leave me at home when I was home alone ALL the time anyway while he was gone 12 hours a day for school. I also didn't want to be an asshole so I would always go knowing that it meant my back was going to be killing me and I'd be ignored for a few hours and end up being his designated driver. I finally got pissed and put an end to it when he seriously suggested that we go out to the club. Seriously??? At 7 months pregnant, you think THIS is what I should be doing? And you think that this is what YOU should be doing? He tried to justify it with the fact that you couldn't smoke inside. I mean completely not the fucking point!

We got into an argument that night and he basically said he didn't see the big deal with him going out to bars and clubs occasionally because he enjoyed doing so and I hated going to bars and clubs so he didn't see how it was unfair that I couldn't go because I didn't like going anyway. Rehashing that just makes me want to punch him in the face.

Anyway, we go out to dinner last night with someone from his unit. We were at the restaurant until 11pm and he'd had 4 beers with dinner. I'm thinking okay, time to go home now! Right? Apparently not! He puts me on the spot in front of his friend, which he knows I HATE because I don't want to be the fucking asshole who says, "No." I mean I just met his friend and I don't want to come off as this total fucking asshole but I mean seriously... WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE! Anyway, he asks "Can we stop by a bar?" And all eyes are on me. If I could have punched him in the face, I would have. So I say, "We have to be up pretty early." And instead of taking the fucking hint, he goes "We won't stay out too much later." WTF, it's 11pm!

We go to bar number 1. REEKS of smoke. I told him I could NOT sit in there. Instead of being smart and realizing that EVERY bar we go to in Germany is going to reek of smoke, he just tries to find another. Fails. Then suggests the hotel bar up the street. I don't know why he thought it wasn't smoky because as soon as I walked in, I could smell it. It wasn't as bad as the other bars so I picked a seat all the way in the corner away from everyone. I didn't even take my jacket off because I was so fucking embarrassed to be sitting in a god damn bar at 11pm, almost 8 months pregnant. I was fuming. But seeing as this base has the highest STD and sexual assault rates of all the bases in Europe, I'm not exactly going to go storming off by myself trying to make it back to our hotel room. We actually got warned by another soldier right after dinner to always watch your drink because apparently roofies are like fucking skittles here. Fucking sweet. SO happy to be stationed here.

Anyway, I'm stuck there for almost an hour before I can't fucking take it anymore and I make him leave. We get back to the hotel and I'm trying really hard not to lose it but I can't help it. He seriously has the balls to ask me why I didn't give him a hint. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! LOOK AT MY BELLY! THERE IS A FUCKING HINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never mind the fact that we've had this discussion at least 3-4 times before! He tries to justify why he didn't think the bar was that smoky and I keep trying to tell him that that's NOT the fucking point.

I end up bawling my eyes out because I'm so sad that he's such a selfish asshole who in my opinion will never fucking grow out of wanting to dress nice, go out, and party it up. And here I am in Germany... married, and pregnant with his baby, and having left my well paying job and having no idea if I'll be able to find work out here. I just resented him so much in that moment. And yeah, some of it is probably hormonal, some of it is probably the move and the uncertainty of not knowing when we'll find a house, not having our car here yet, knowing he's going to deploy in a few months, and all that shit. But a lot of it is because he seriously was a selfish asshole last night.

So today I was kind of over it and trying not to think about it or argue about it. I'm on my computer and realize there are pop-ups. Porn pop-ups that only come up when you've visited a porn site. And I know this because I watch porn. So I turn around and ask him if he was watching porn and at first he looks surprised then he admits it. Saying it in a way that implies that he just "stumbled" upon porn. Sorry fucktard, you don't just stumble across porn. Normally, I don't give a shit about porn. But.... I was laying in bed crying and pissed off at you because you're an asshole and you just sit in the same room as me and surf porn sites? I mean what the FUCK is wrong with you?!?!

Never mind the fact that right now, I'm completely HATING my body and my stupid pimply face and now I know that while I'm angry at you, you're sitting there looking at pictures of women with perfect bodies.

So now, I'm just sitting here miserable and fighting the urge to cry every 5 minutes. I feel incredibly stuck. I don't know anyone here. I can't escape him even when I'm angry. And I'm stuck in a small hotel room with the only person I know here and also the one person I don't even want to look at right now. I don't deal well with feeling trapped.

And the stupidest part? I feel GUILTY writing this stupid post bashing him and his stupid idiotic moment because I know he's not typically an asshole. I just really want to punch him in his stupid face.

10 comments:

madge said...

Just reading that made me want to reach over and smack Ty, just for female solidarity. I know men have their "moments", but it's the worst when they don't realize that they've had a moment and think they're doing just fine in the husband department, even when you're sitting there rocking back and forth crying your eyes out. And they just look at you like "what? what is wrong?" I cannot even imagine being in those situations AND being in a foreign country. Hopefully ya'll will get yourselves situated and maybe things will settle down. Learn some German curse words and insults...it's like the angriest souding language around. Maybe screaming it randomly at people would make you feel better!

Nikki said...

Oh girl, I think most of us married women have been there LOL. You are not a bad wife for ranting. I love my husband but he also has his stupid moments. I've learned I can't give him subtle hints because he.will.just.not.get.it.
I think for the most part, men aren't jerks on purpose, they just don't have a clue LOL.
I hope things get better for you soon ((hugs))
By the way, I'm your newest follower on Google Friend Connect :)
http://www.southernpixie.com

madge said...

PS, there's some blog award thing going around, being all chain-lettery. It's to give props to other blogs, and since I dig your stuff, you can get the "award" at my site. Hope your Monday went OK!

Johanna said...

Following you from BM, visit back at http://www.momstreehouse.com/. Hope to see you there.

Miranda LaRaut-Hartrampf said...

I'm so sorry hun, i think every married and pregnant couple has been there at least at some time.

But i understand the hubby being a fucktard. I like the occasional strip club (more so when i'm NOT prego) with my hubby... bot now that i'm 9 months pregnant.... i DON'T want to hang out with him and his buddies watching girl who have better bodies then me....

that and i don't want him out because i could POP and any minute and he just doesn't seem to realize that i cant drive myself to the hospital... lol

Thus is life, best of wished to you!!!

Shannon Nuttall said...

I just had a baby girl 3 months ago my husband also looked a a porn site on his phone while i was 7 months pregnant i watch it also but being pregnant and feeling fat and ugly i was also fuming! i totally understand you on this post i like going out and having a good time but there is a time and place for it and doing it together! i also had to move to where my husband was working it was only in st.george utah but i did not know anyone my family was in utah county i felt alone and huge and always hot!! i had a 2 year old i had to take care of all the time too alone it was hard. keep your head up girl! i hope things get better but it does feel good to vent sometimes :)

T B said...

He apologizes and I say "But you don't even think what you did was wrong." And he goes "It doesn't matter. I'm still sorry." LOL. What?!

He charmed his way back into my good graces. He always does... asshole. lol. Thanks for all of the support!

madge said...

Porn makes me blush and want to go hide under a blanket and cry, so if I caught Ty doing that, I would be doubly pissed.

my abc soup said...

Pregnancy hormones & men never mix. It doesn't change too much after baby either. My hormones are still crazy.

Chasing Davies said...

Guys... they are sometimes like children - you have to tell things over and over and over...until they get it (or just keep telling them) b/c they forget, or don't listen. So continue having those conversations in private after he does something, using that as an example.

And being pregnant, and seemingly have moved for him, you he should be a lot more considerate of you.

Hang in there!

MeggyD from www.ChasingDavies.blogspot.com

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