Sunday, July 18, 2010

12 Weeks Today

Bean is 12 weeks today. We had an appointment on Thursday to do some testing that the hospital in Korea didn't do. I got to hear the heartbeat and Bean was ticking away at 163 bpm. It was nice to hear especially since I worry so much. I wish that Poppa Bean could have been there to hear it. I have an ultrasound in two weeks and they're going to prick my finger and test the blood to check for Downs Syndrome risks. I know that there are a lot of false positives but really, I just wanted to get the ultrasound and see the baby. Poppa Bean won't be there for that either and it sucks. If I can find out the gender at 14 weeks, I think I'll still wait. Poppa Bean will be back by my 16 week appointment and I think I am going to pay an ultrasound clinic that does 3D ultrasounds at 16 weeks to do a gender determination while Poppa Bean is there. It's going to be really hard not to want to ask what the sex is at my ultrasound though. It might still be too early to tell but it would be fun if they could see it.

I'm still not showing yet but I feel like my fat is being poked out more on my tummy. I mean I know I'm still skinny but I have a tiny bit of pudge on my tummy and it just looks bigger lately. Probably because I'm so bloated. The nausea is gone. I haven't thrown up in about a week and two days. The bloating is not as bad as it used to be anymore. I have started to get dizzy whenever I stand up though. The acne is starting to go away too.

I just really miss Poppa Bean. It's been really tough being without him this week. Time goes by so slowly and I feel like my heart is torn in two. I know it's just a month but it's just a glimpse into what his first deployment will be like. It just makes me want to break down and cry. I really wish we had met before he decided to go indefinite in the military. I know it's selfish but I just don't want to deal with another 12 years of the Army telling him to leave his family for a year. It's just not fair... cry me a river right? It's just a bad day...


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