Saturday, July 10, 2010

Being alone is not fun.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks but here I am, finally settled in one place for a while. I dropped Poppa Bean off at school and he'll be there for a month. He'll lose his phone privileges soon which I'm not happy about. It's amazing how attached you become to someone and how little joy there is when they're not around. I really don't know how I'll survive when he deploys if I can barely handle knowing I won't see him for a month. Being pregnant and emotional doesn't really help either.

I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow and I have an appointment on the 15th. It's at a brand new doctor and I'm hoping that they don't make me go through all of the initial appointment crap again. I already know that this appointment will probably be a waste of time and they'll just schedule me at a later day for the stuff I actually need to get done during weeks 10-12.

I took the Intelligender test for fun and it said boy but then I did the Chinese gender predictor and it said girl. I really hope it's a boy but ugh, it'll probably end up being a girl. I know, nothing to say ugh about but I just really don't want any daughters. I bought belly bands because my pants are uncomfortable. I am not really showing, I just look like I ate too many cheeseburgers... and I have. I'm breaking out in pimples all over my face and now my back. It's awesome. So much for feeling beautiful while pregnant. I just feel fat and pimply.

I haven't been getting AS tired as I was the last couple of weeks. My boobs are not as big as I read other people's being. They've just gotten fuller, not bigger. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not pregnant. I guess I'll feel better when I go to my appointment next week. I am going to ask them if they will give me an ultrasound.

You know, with Poppa Bean being gone... I had the gutwrenching feeling today that it was just sad that it was no longer going to be just me and him anymore. I know that sounds so unbelievably selfish but I love us. I love our time together. I love that we can just fully enjoy each other at all times. It's kind of sad to know that that's going to be gone.

That and I just got an earful from my aunt about how she couldn't be both a mother and a wife because the children just consumed so much of her and the husband doesn't really know how to deal with that.

Obviously... I'm not having a good pregnant day.


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