12 Weeks Today

Bean is 12 weeks today. We had an appointment on Thursday to do some testing that the hospital in Korea didn't do. I got to hear the heartbeat and Bean was ticking away at 163 bpm. It was nice to hear especially since I worry so much. I wish that Poppa Bean could have been there to hear it. I have an ultrasound in two weeks and they're going to prick my finger and test the blood to check for Downs Syndrome risks. I know that there are a lot of false positives but really, I just wanted to get the ultrasound and see the baby. Poppa Bean won't be there for that either and it sucks. If I can find out the gender at 14 weeks, I think I'll still wait. Poppa Bean will be back by my 16 week appointment and I think I am going to pay an ultrasound clinic that does 3D ultrasounds at 16 weeks to do a gender determination while Poppa Bean is there. It's going to be really hard not to want to ask what the sex is at my ultrasound though. It might still be too early to tell but it would be fun if they could see it.

I'm still not showing yet but I feel like my fat is being poked out more on my tummy. I mean I know I'm still skinny but I have a tiny bit of pudge on my tummy and it just looks bigger lately. Probably because I'm so bloated. The nausea is gone. I haven't thrown up in about a week and two days. The bloating is not as bad as it used to be anymore. I have started to get dizzy whenever I stand up though. The acne is starting to go away too.

I just really miss Poppa Bean. It's been really tough being without him this week. Time goes by so slowly and I feel like my heart is torn in two. I know it's just a month but it's just a glimpse into what his first deployment will be like. It just makes me want to break down and cry. I really wish we had met before he decided to go indefinite in the military. I know it's selfish but I just don't want to deal with another 12 years of the Army telling him to leave his family for a year. It's just not fair... cry me a river right? It's just a bad day...

Being alone is not fun.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks but here I am, finally settled in one place for a while. I dropped Poppa Bean off at school and he'll be there for a month. He'll lose his phone privileges soon which I'm not happy about. It's amazing how attached you become to someone and how little joy there is when they're not around. I really don't know how I'll survive when he deploys if I can barely handle knowing I won't see him for a month. Being pregnant and emotional doesn't really help either.

I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow and I have an appointment on the 15th. It's at a brand new doctor and I'm hoping that they don't make me go through all of the initial appointment crap again. I already know that this appointment will probably be a waste of time and they'll just schedule me at a later day for the stuff I actually need to get done during weeks 10-12.

I took the Intelligender test for fun and it said boy but then I did the Chinese gender predictor and it said girl. I really hope it's a boy but ugh, it'll probably end up being a girl. I know, nothing to say ugh about but I just really don't want any daughters. I bought belly bands because my pants are uncomfortable. I am not really showing, I just look like I ate too many cheeseburgers... and I have. I'm breaking out in pimples all over my face and now my back. It's awesome. So much for feeling beautiful while pregnant. I just feel fat and pimply.

I haven't been getting AS tired as I was the last couple of weeks. My boobs are not as big as I read other people's being. They've just gotten fuller, not bigger. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not pregnant. I guess I'll feel better when I go to my appointment next week. I am going to ask them if they will give me an ultrasound.

You know, with Poppa Bean being gone... I had the gutwrenching feeling today that it was just sad that it was no longer going to be just me and him anymore. I know that sounds so unbelievably selfish but I love us. I love our time together. I love that we can just fully enjoy each other at all times. It's kind of sad to know that that's going to be gone.

That and I just got an earful from my aunt about how she couldn't be both a mother and a wife because the children just consumed so much of her and the husband doesn't really know how to deal with that.

Obviously... I'm not having a good pregnant day.

Happy Father's Day!

We are officially back in the states and have been hanging out at my parents'. Today is the first day that I actually feel "normal." Morning sickness decided to hit with a vengeance on Wednesday. I'm telling you, it's always Wednesday! I was sick all day. The only meal I was able to keep down was the small breakfast I had in the morning. I threw up everything else and felt miserable all day long. Thursday was just a tiny bit better but not much. Friday a slight progression and yesterday, I got nauseous but didn't vomit. Today, fantisco! For now anyway. The only intense craving I had this week was for chocolate milk. When I finally got it, it was GLORIOUS. I have a gallon in the fridge right now.

I'm 8 weeks 1 day now. I love adding each day to my little ticker. The more time passes, the more I know this little Bean is going to stick around. Still not showing, the bloating is still there but honestly, it's not as bad as it was during weeks 4-7. My boobs started to get sore throughout the day and not just at night a few days ago. I think they've gotten bigger but it's not extremely noticeable. I keep wondering when I'm going to get monster jugs. I want those fun bags to show up! hahaha.

We got my dad a grill for Father's Day. It's a pretty nice grill and a perfect size for his backyard. Poppa Bean is going to help assemble the thing in a little bit so we can make steaks for dinner tonight. The dogs and Bean got Poppa Bean cards and two DVD's for Father's Day. Baby Mama and Knocked Up. lol

I'm travelling again on Tuesday to fly to visit Poppa Bean's family. We're having a small ceremony for his family since we never had a ceremony when we just did a paperwork marriage through the Embassy. It should definitely be interesting. I'm not really a big fan of weddings and all the frilly annoying things that come with them. lol. It's more for the parents though so I'll suck it up! Literally. I feel like I can't breathe in my dress. lol.

I hope all the wonderful dad's out there have a great Father's Day! I know Poppa Bean is enjoying his and we're both excited for what Father's Day is going to be like next year! :)

Bean's First Photoshoot

We had our first ultrasound today! It was amazing! Bean was measuring up like he should and we got to listen to the heartbeat! 120bpm! The doctor pointed out little nubs that are popping out that are going to be his little legs. We got to keep pictures and they gave me my medical record to take since we are PCS'ing. I'll have to make another appoinment in Austin. We're flying out tomorrow and headed to Austin with the dogs. Hopefully everything goes smoothly! I just have to stay hydrated and get up and walk around every hour or so to avoid blood clots.

Here's Bean!

[caption id="attachment_65" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Bean\'s first picture!"][/caption]

Breakdown

I'm 6 weeks today. I feel fat. I really need to go to the gym but I'm just really paranoid. I've been reading too many posts about miscarriage on BabyCenter and I keep comparing the dates they had their miscarriages with where I'm at in my pregnancy. If I'm only 6 weeks, and they had miscarriages at 7 or 8, how am I supposed to be comfortable thinking that it's not going to happen to me?!

I have been a little stressed out the last couple of days. Actually, that's kind of an understatement. I have been majorly stressed out the last couple of days and I'm hoping that it doesn't affect Bean. The movers came on Friday and packed up our household goods. Transportation forgot to make the appointment for the movers to come and get unaccompanied baggage so that caused a little freak out on my part. It all got settled and the movers for household goods just packed everything up to send by boat. I guess it's a good thing we won't be in Germany for another 6 months. Saturday, we cleaned the rest of the garbage out of the apartment and dropped the dogs off at the kennel. I was tired to begin with before the move so you can only imagine what the last two days have been like.

I had a fight with Poppa Bean last night. I know some of it is hormones, because I was crying like a lunatic when normally I would have just yelled my piece and shut him out (healthy, I know). I did write a wh0le paragraph about how much of a dumbass he was but I think for his sake and Bean's in the future, I'll do away with it.

So, after the last two days I've had, I can only be paranoid about how Bean is doing.

Slow poke

Here we are, 5 weeks and 2 days into this fun rollercoaster ride. Symptoms so far? A lot of peeing, random moments of vomit, cramping here, cramping there, headaches, bloating, and did I mention bloating? I feel like a hippo. Sunday, I ate everything in sight. I just could not get enough food. I think that was me just being a total fat ass though. I've been better since then... I think. We have gone ahead and told practically everyone about Bean. I know, most people wait until after the first trimester because of a chance of miscarriage but you know, I'm going to be really optimistic and not even think about the possibility. I just marking off every day on the calendar as one day closer to meeting Bean. It's still kind of surreal. We have our first appointment on the 21st of June. I know that it's mostly going to be a meet and greet with some extremely exhilarating paperwork but I'm crossing my fingers that I can trick them into giving me an ultrasound. I want to see Bean so badly. Just to prove to myself that he's in there.

We've decided that Bean is a boy. Yes, decided. It will be. lol. Obviously, we'll be happy either way as long as the baby is healthy but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a preference. So far, we have picked Greyson Thomas for his name. I'm sure I'll be extremely indecisive and change it about a million times but so far, that's what we're sticking with.

My eczema has been really acting up the last couple of days. I'm not sure if that has to do with Bean or with the fact that it's really starting to get warmer these days and the weather is affecting my skin. My nipples have stayed consistently sore. My boobs? Not any bigger and haven't gotten sore yet. I'd really like some big ta-ta's out of this deal. lol. My fibroid cysts in my left breast are really bad now. Might be all the extra hormones making it worse. I think I'm going to keep the appointment I had at the OB/GYN here before we move just to see if she can check on it and make sure it's okay.

It's going to be a hectic couple of days with the movers coming, shuttling the dogs to the kennel, and moving into the hotel that will be our home until we fly out of here. I hope Bean cooperates with me and helps me get this move going smoothly. Now after a disastrous attempt at packing, we are off to watch the tube and go to sleep.

Bean This, Bean That

Since we found out on Sunday, most of our conversations have been about Bean and I try to use Bean as an excuse for a lot of things. Eating certain foods, not wanting to do certain things, blah blah blah. The husband doesn’t buy it at all. Meanie. We got the blood test confirmation on Monday, told the grandparents, and now, here we are. I’m 4 weeks and 3 days into this thing. Morning sickness? I think they really misnamed the whole ordeal. They should have just called it The Sickness. I’ve had the pleasure of throwing up, dry heaving, stopping mid-walk and scrunching my face, and breathing through my mouth all day. I don’t foresee this letting up anytime soon. I don’t want it to though! If I can get through this trimester with Bean intact, I’ll feel a helluva lot better.

I’m going to try to go to the gym today. I’ve been slacking the last few days. I’m a little nervous how this thing will go now that I know Bean is in the house. Throw up mid-stride on the eliptical? That should be fun. I know it’s insane, but I have this fear that if I run too hard, I’m going to knock Bean out of place and he’s going to say screw this and bail. Death by treadmill. Yikes. I know, totally morbid and completely awful to say.

I see more of the toilet than I ever have in my entire life. I feel like all I do all day is pee or throw up. I empty my bladder and thirty minutes later, I gotta pee again. Then I smell the bathroom and I have to throw up. I should just name the toilet since it is officially now my new best friend. Loretta. Yup, Loretta.

4 Weeks

So, I'm obsessed with BabyCenter. I'm on it all day at work (which I probably shouldn't announce) and I look through it when I'm home too. I also have 3 books at home on pregnancy and 2 books for the hubby to read. I am an insane planner. So, I know that this week, I should be feeling cramping as if I were going to start my period despite being pregnant but I still can't help but kind of freak out. I don't think I"ll feel better until I get past the first three months without any issues. I know it's early and miscarriage can happen within the first trimester so I am really trying to be positive and not freak out. I'm normally extremely pessimistic, although I prefer to call it realistic, and I don't even want to THINK about the possibility of something going wrong.

But, I'm still a little nervous. So far, I haven't had any of the classic pregnancy symptoms. I had a weird headache last night and the day before but that's about it. My breasts aren't tender yet, although the left one is but I think it's because of my usual cyst. This cramping is the only thing that I've had so far. They say that next week I should start to have more symptoms and I kind of can't wait because that means I'll actually physically feel like this is really happening! It just seems surreal right now.

We got the blood test confirmation yesterday and then scheduled our initial appointment with the OB/GYN for June 8. I'll be at 6 weeks then. I know we probably won't get to see the baby at that point but it would be nice. Especially since we don't know how we're going to do this pregnancy with moving around all over the place. It should definitely be interesting!