Single Parenting

I don't know how single parents do it.

I mean, I'm doing it because I don't really have a choice thanks to this deployment. It comforts me that I still get emails of encouragement and love from Christopher and that I know after this year, he will be back and I will have a partner again. I can't imagine how hard it is knowing that you don't have a parenting partner to fall back on eventually.

I have to admit I've gotten lazier as time has gone on. I don't really know if it's laziness or just that I'm completely worn out. Bean likes to be held. All. The. Time. Seriously. If I didn't have the Moby or the Beco, I honestly don't know what I would do. By the time she goes down for a nap, I just want to sit there and stare at the computer. I just get random spurts of cleaning done and then I just look around and say screw it. I stay up a lot later than I should because I have absolutely no me time so when she goes to bed, I feel like I have to cram in some me time before I wake up and do it all by myself all over again.

I know, I'm having a pity party for myself. But really, it's not that big of a pity party. I love being a stay at home mom. I love being with her all the time. She's so cute I just want to eat her up! It would just be nice to have a 30 minute break a day.

I'm going to try to work up the energy to clear up the desk and take out the sewing machine tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Blahzay Blah.

I am seriously suffering from a case of blahzay blah. I'm hoping that it changes soon. I feel guilty feeling like this when I have an amazing little girl to spend every day with.

But seriously, I'm lacking human interaction. Normally I don't mind this at all but I think with Christopher being gone, it's getting to me. The only issue? I dislike the few people I "know" in the area. ha ha! I might eventually have to break down though just to get out of the house. Lame.

I never really questioned my parenting when Christopher was here. But lately I've been questioning everything I do. If she sleeps a lot, I start to wonder if I "pushed" her to sleep so I could have more BS time. Am I entertaining her enough?

I mean... what the fuck do you do with a 2 month old?! Seriously. What do you do? Do you hold them all the time? Do you entertain them every minute they're awake? How do you entertain them? I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do? I feel lost now. How did I make it through 2 months without feeling like this?