For serious?

So, here are pictures from the 27 week ultrasound taken on Saturday. Be proud, it didn't take me 2 months to post them!

Okay, now take a minute to digest these pictures. It is a 27 week old baby... in a blurry orange 3D ultrasound. Tell me why my MIL thinks the baby looks EXACTLY like Poppa Bean? I understand being proud that your child is procreating but seriously... it's an unborn baby. She doesn't look like anyone at this point. Not according to MIL. The baby is a spitting image of Poppa Bean. Also, the baby has her nose. Uh... okay. And the baby MIGHT have my eyes. And I'm thinking... is this a joke? Because I can't see the baby's eyes at all. Unless... that's the point because I'm half Asian. ha ha!

I don't know why this bothers me so much. I don't really know why SHE bothers me so much. She's just too overexcited. I wish I could slip her a valium or something. Actually, I wish I could have a valium.

Anyway, to be spiteful, I have been crossing my fingers that our daughter is the spitting image of me. Actually, I don't know why it matters. MIL will claim the kid looks just like PB anyway. Have I mentioned how happy I am that we are going to be living on another continent for the next three years?

WHY AM I SO EVIL?!?!

------- EDIT ---------

In all that craziness, I forgot to say... HOW CUTE IS MY DAUGHTER?! lol.

Ninja Baby

So, I've decided that Bean is a ninja. I mean, she has to be. I feel her practicing her ninja moves all day long. Can I just say that the best part of this whole pregnancy thing is feeling and seeing your baby move around? I honestly can't think of anything better than that. Her movements are getting so strong now! I can feel and see her dragging her feet/knees/hands (I can't tell the difference) all over the place. My tummy jerks around when she's having her ninja sessions and most of the time when I'm at home (which is pretty much always), I sit around with my belly exposed. I don't want to miss seeing anything!

So, I kind of had a freak out moment last week. Tears, panic, the whole 9. I've been losing a lot of hair over the past couple of months and I mentioned it to my OB here (the one I'm not fond of) and she brushed it off as hormones. So I mention it on babycenter and someone suggests getting my thyroid levels checked. Of course, me being the hypochondriac that I am, immediately google thyroid issues during pregnancy and see all sorts of unsettling stuff about how hypothyroidism can affect the baby's brain. I'd like to take this moment to tell you that Poppa Bean has previously banned me from going to WebMD so I probably should not have googled this at all. SO, instant freak out. Call my OB... and guess what?! She's going out of town for 3 weeks and the office is closing in an hour. REALLY?! Was this something they were going to make me aware of??? Also, they were supposed to give me my medical records before we leave this Friday. How did they plan on doing that when their offices were closing for three weeks? I was furious! I ended up getting my medical records and got in to see a regular physician on Monday. She said I was probably being paranoid and that it was just hormones but while I was there, I could just do a bunch of blood work. I like her. lol. I can call in a week and get results. After that freak out, I talked to a few other moms and they said their hair fell out a lot during pregnancy too. SO, I guess the long luxurious hair during pregnancy is just not meant to be for me.

So what did I do? Chopped all my hair off. Why am I so impulsive? I'll never learn. I mean it makes things a lot more interesting but sometimes I just have to shake my head. My whole reasoning was, if it's all gonna fall out anyway, I might as well meet it halfway! I forgot that I don't exactly look awesome with shorter hair. She probably cut off about 6 or 7 inches. It's about an inch or two below my shoulders now. Let's just hope it grows out fast.

Chunky Monkey

I know I'm supposed to gain weight with pregnancy, but it doesn't make it any easier when I step on that scale. I've been pretty good about going to the gym 3-4 times a week. This is an accomplishment because the first trimester, I would have punched anyone who even suggested I go to the gym. Although, if I had, I probably wouldn't weigh as much as I do now. Not that I'm a cow or anything. Well, maybe in a few weeks I will be. So far, I've gained anywhere from 16-18 lbs. Seriously, the number scares me. I just have to remind myself that it will all be over soon and once I get the baby out, I can get back to my old self... hopefully.

We ordered the Flip HD camera. It should be delivered today and I'm excited! We plan on getting a higher quality camera too but this one is perfect for short clips to send to Poppa Bean when he's deployed and for grandparents and other friends and family. I love new tech toys! lol.

I don't know if it's the pregnancy or what but the dogs have been really annoying me lately. They're so dirty and smelly. I hate hearing them lick themselves! I can't believe I'm going to have to deal with a baby and these two mutts by myself for a year. I honestly don't know how I'm going to pull it off. Luckily, I'm on my last class for my Master's and take the comprehensive exam a week before the baby is due. I can't imagine I'll pass it but I can hope!

Bean kicks a lot more now. Sometimes, I wonder what she's doing in there. It's like she's filming her own ninja movie. I think I felt her foot the other day. Freaky! She has been dragging her feet across my belly I think. And she stretched out the other day and kept her foot out and I felt a little nub! I hope she does it again because I want PB to feel it.

Pregnant Forever

I seriously feel like I've been pregnant forever. 25 weeks and 2 days in. Everyone else seems to think that the pregnancy is going by quickly but it feels like an eternity. Maybe it's because my back always hurts, my pregnancy acne is horrible, I feel extremely large, and pregnancy in general just kind of sucks. I wish I could be like some women who really enjoy pregnancy but it's just not in me. I can't wait to meet this little baby but I could do without the months and months of torture getting there.

I've got Poppa Bean paranoid that Bean has his nose. The last ultrasound picture we got, I don't know if it's the angle or what, but it definitely looks like Bean has his nose. Yikes. Poor girl. His mom and sister also have pretty prominent noses and I have to say, I'm not really that down with it. I'm really hoping that she takes my little nose. Poppa Bean is already aware that should Bean want rhinoplasty in the future, he owes it to her. It's cute how sad he's getting though. I should probably stop giving him such a hard time about it. lol.

We have bought quite a few things for Bean. We pretty much have all of the furniture we need and we have the bedding set and it's going to be shipped to Germany in the next week or two. We've also started her wardrobe with quite a few cute outfits. We're just waiting on the carseat and stroller to get here (which should be sometime this week) and we'll probably buy clothes up until we leave here. I don't expect to find too much at the PX in the shitty base we're moving to in Germany. Have I mentioned how not excited I am to be moving there?

I'm nervous about meeting doctor #4. I'll be a week or two late doing my 28 week labs and who knows how much pushback I'm going to get on my cesarean. Not to mention, trusting military doctors to do a good job on my cesarean. I'm terrified that they'll screw the operation up somehow and leave me completely scarred. It's starting to make me resent PB for having to move to a shitty location for my birth. I'd much rather stay with my favorite doctor and head to Germany after the birth but PB only gets a month with Bean before he leaves so... I guess it's not really an option.

Yeah, I'm too lazy to post pictures.

So I realized that I'm pretty bad at this blog thing. I'm also really bad posting pictures.... and taking them. I must have been in la-la-land when I started this blog and I thought I'd be all Super Mom and be sensitive and loving and all that jazz. Yeah, I can't fight my personality. Bean will learn sooner or later that I am an absolute asshole with a lot of neurotic tendencies. The baby has won the lottery!

So, we go to have our anatomy scan yesterday. Epic fail. The on post hospital refers us off post because they don't have OB/GYN capabilities. The OB/GYN doesn't have ultrasound equipment soooooo, back on post I go. The tech remained pretty silent throughout the whole ordeal. Not very comforting when you're sitting there wondering if your baby is deformed or is missing a vital organ. PB tried to make conversation and ask questions but the tech was a total twat. She also would not confirm gender. So now we have an appointment in a town an hour and a half away just to confirm that the baby didn't grow a penis in the last 4 weeks. I'm a little upset that we have to pay $155 to confirm but I also really like to look at the baby because hellooooo, I'm growing an alien and that's pretty freakin cool to look at.

I've been a little moody lately. I deleted all of my friends on facebook. Everyone was pissing me off. I'm slowly adding people back on though. And PB irritated me today at lunch. He said Arby's sounds good. I've told him multiple times that I don't like Arby's. He starts in on me asking, "Have you even tried their chicken sandwiches?" to which of course I replied, "No, and I don't want to." And he tries asking me again. I mean WTF! I don't like Arby's! I don't know why I am so against Arby's but just leave me the fuck alone about god damn Arby's!!! FUCK ARBY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It made me cry and we ended up getting Wendy's drive through and eating at home and not speaking to each other.

Seriously though... fuck Arby's.

Well... psycho me has quieted down.

My last post was kind of psychotic.

I promise, I'm a little more sane now. I'd like to pretend that that post never happened. Cool? Cool.

I'm 19 weeks and 3  days now. I can't believe I'm halfway there. I guess I should explain why I'm halfway there. After much deliberation and battling with being judged, I've decided to go for an elective c-section. It's what I'm comfortable with, DH supports me, and to hell with every single one of you mommier-than-thou assholes who judge women who go for elective c-sections. I could go on about my irritation of the c-section bashers but I won't. It's my baby, it's my body, it's my pregnancy, and it's my decision.

We've decided on a name that we are both in love with and we've also gotten most of our registry done. We haven't told anyone the gender of the baby yet because we're waiting until after our 20 week ultrasound next Wednesday. Honestly, I don't even want to tell anyone then either because I'm being really possessive about the baby now. I don't really know what it is but I just don't want anyone knowing anything about the baby. I've gotten really irritated with people asking because I want to tell them to mind their own business. I don't even want family members being too excited because I don't want them overstepping my mommy kingdom. It sounds so stupid and I know it's irrational but apparently it's normal for your first pregnancy/baby. I feel slightly less crazy.

I still have pregnancy acne which is extremely frustrating. I've been feeling the baby kick and roll around for a few weeks now and she's gotten a lot stronger. Poppa Bean has yet to feel a good kick but I think it's gonna happen within the next week or so. Hopefully soon because I think he's getting a little jealous. lol. Other than that, everything has been pretty normal. I still don't really have any cravings or anything and I don't really eat any more than I did. Actually, I eat less than I did before because I get full so quickly now. I think I've gained about 5 lbs and I don't think that's too bad for 5 months pregnant.

Stressed Out

I keep worrying about how my stress levels are going to affect this baby in the long run. My family has always been dysfunctional. My mom is Korean and the cultural differences and expectations are stressful enough but my mom NEEDS to be on antidepressants and refuses to take medication and to top it all off, she's going through menopause. It is a battle every day to not want to either punch her or myself in the face. My dad dotes on my little sister (she's 19) and has always been harder on me... which is fine. But living in their house again, it's just irritating to see the difference in treatment. His way of dealing with my mom is to completely shut everyone out which doesn't help my loneliness any. My sister leaves the house all the time to hang out with her douchelord of a boyfriend leaving me alone with my parents who are pissed off that she's still dating captain ass-hat. The mood is usually tense.

And I can't get through one day without my dad complaining about my dogs... my dogs that he knew were coming, that do nothing but nap and play quietly and who I usually keep with me in the room with the door closed because I don't want them bothering anyone. While my sister's dog tries to chew on furniture, digs holes all over the backyard, and refuses to leave my dogs alone.

Between the three of them, I am constantly feeling like crap. Not only am I missing Poppa Bean as this is the longest we have been apart and I can only talk to him two times a week for 30 minutes, I am constantly in the middle of my family's BS and I feel so stuck with no escape. After a huge fight this morning with my parents, I've been having slight cramps. I think everything is okay, I just read that stress is not good for the baby and now I'm worried that this past month is going to have lasting effects.

I get to pick Poppa Bean up from school next week and I can't wait. I just feel like I never want to come back here again. I had planned on staying with my parents after Poppa Bean deploys for a year when the baby is 2 months old, but I just don't think it's a good idea anymore. It sucks but I'd rather be alone in Germany with a new baby and my dogs, than here dealing with my family.