Good Effing Riddance!

Goodbye 2010! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!

This year has been nothing short of stressful. Quitting my job to move and not having my own income for the first time in 10 years, the pregnancy, the moving around from country to country, state to state, dealing with a plethora of new doctors throughout my pregnancy, gestational diabetes, struggling to find a place to live, spending the holidays in a shitty hotel room, and our car... our wonderful new car... which made it to us yesterday... and refused to start. Yes, it's been WONDERFUL.

I'm more than ready for the new year!

I'm going to be a mommy and get the chance to totally screw up a little human being all on my own. I get to see Christopher become an awesome daddy. I get to move into our house and set up shop making it a home for our baby to grow up in. Family will be visiting throughout the year to meet our baby and keep me company while Christopher is deployed. I get to finally make use of my Canon and take a million pictures of our baby. And I'll be able to eat rice and noodles again! Do you know how hard it is for an Asian to have gestational diabetes and not be able to eat rice or noodles? WTF! Torture! So YAY to an entire year full of rice and noodles!

While I'm sure I'll be just as insane next year as I was this year, I can't wait! It seems so much more promising because I know we'll have our baby girl to kick off the brand new spankin' year.

It's going to be legen.... wait for it... dary!!!

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Random Annoying Things

I've been in a particularly bitchy mood so here are a few things that are irritating me now.

1. I hate walking the dogs. I love them but they are horrible walkers. They pull me, they wrap themselves around poles, trees, my legs, and get spastic. I make PB do it more and more now that I'm bigger but I totally want to throw a hissy fit every time I have to do it. And this morning Vega just walked around sniffing at everything forever and ever and refused to do anything. Stupid poo face dog!!!

2. I hate pooping. Honestly, I think my pooper organs are screwed up. I've never been a healthy once a day pooper. I usually went once a week, maybe twice. And you know what? I was cool with that. Now that I'm pregnant, I am TERRIFIED to poop. And friends, I'll tell you why. So one day the urge to poop hits me and I'm thinking YAY, I finally have to go poop! I settle on the can and I'm completely oblivious to the horrendous events that are about to take place. So, there it goes.... and then it doesn't. I had a rock hard turd lodged halfway out of my bunghole refusing to come out. I mean it literally stayed there for FIVE MINUTES. I know you're not supposed to strain but... come on!!! I started to panic and have a complete emotional breakdown on the toilet. I had mental images of PB having to carry me with my pants around my ankles to the emergency room so they could extract this turd out of my butt. Finally, it came out and I called it quits and since then I have been absolutely terrified any time I get the urge to poop. True story. Pregnancy sucks.

3. Not having our car yet SUCKS. This place is nothing but hills. It's cold. I have asthma. None of this makes for any fun walking all around base. I've basically given up going to the gym since I've been here because I don't want to deal with the walk TO the gym. Stupid logic? Yeah... so what?

4. The thing I probably hate most is depending on other people for things. I'm extremely independent and honestly, I'm kind of anti-social. So, when PB wants me to call so and so's wife to see if she'll drive me around to look for houses, I want to lay on the ground and throw a temper tantrum and scream "Nooooooo! Why can't we just do it togetherrrrrrrrrrrrrr?" Yeah, real mature I know. I just hate asking for help. And I mean seriously, what if she's busy? I hate feeling like an inconvenience. And then I'll actually have to pretend to be a nice person and talk to her. Because.... she's actually pretty nice. Nice people make me uncomfortable. I feel like an even bigger asshole when I'm around them.

5. I hate my skin. I want to rip off my face and start all over again. At this point, it's mostly dark red scars covering my face with a few friendly pimples to keep them company. I don't know how to get rid of them. I've been rubbing Bio Oil on my face the last three nights but I kind of feel like that's counterproductive. Putting oil on my face when I'm complaining about pimples? I don't know. At this point, I'll try anything. Suggestions?

I'm going to have to follow this with a post tomorrow about shit that makes me happy because I feel like I've been a Negative Nancy. Expect a post about food. lol.

Sometimes, I think violence IS the answer.

I'm having a rough 24 hours. Mostly, it's PB pissing me off to no end. This post is probably going to make him sound like a total asshole but I have to keep reminding myself that he's not. He's just incredibly fucking stupid sometimes.

So, we're in Germany. I get it. He's excited, he loves beer, he hasn't been able to do much "fun" stuff since I've been pregnant. But guess what asshole? Neither have I! And I promise you, I'm having a more miserable time than you could on your worst very un-pregnant day. We've had issues in the past couple of months while he was at school with him asking me to go to BW3's with him so he could watch football and drink beer. He didn't want to be an asshole and leave me at home when I was home alone ALL the time anyway while he was gone 12 hours a day for school. I also didn't want to be an asshole so I would always go knowing that it meant my back was going to be killing me and I'd be ignored for a few hours and end up being his designated driver. I finally got pissed and put an end to it when he seriously suggested that we go out to the club. Seriously??? At 7 months pregnant, you think THIS is what I should be doing? And you think that this is what YOU should be doing? He tried to justify it with the fact that you couldn't smoke inside. I mean completely not the fucking point!

We got into an argument that night and he basically said he didn't see the big deal with him going out to bars and clubs occasionally because he enjoyed doing so and I hated going to bars and clubs so he didn't see how it was unfair that I couldn't go because I didn't like going anyway. Rehashing that just makes me want to punch him in the face.

Anyway, we go out to dinner last night with someone from his unit. We were at the restaurant until 11pm and he'd had 4 beers with dinner. I'm thinking okay, time to go home now! Right? Apparently not! He puts me on the spot in front of his friend, which he knows I HATE because I don't want to be the fucking asshole who says, "No." I mean I just met his friend and I don't want to come off as this total fucking asshole but I mean seriously... WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE! Anyway, he asks "Can we stop by a bar?" And all eyes are on me. If I could have punched him in the face, I would have. So I say, "We have to be up pretty early." And instead of taking the fucking hint, he goes "We won't stay out too much later." WTF, it's 11pm!

We go to bar number 1. REEKS of smoke. I told him I could NOT sit in there. Instead of being smart and realizing that EVERY bar we go to in Germany is going to reek of smoke, he just tries to find another. Fails. Then suggests the hotel bar up the street. I don't know why he thought it wasn't smoky because as soon as I walked in, I could smell it. It wasn't as bad as the other bars so I picked a seat all the way in the corner away from everyone. I didn't even take my jacket off because I was so fucking embarrassed to be sitting in a god damn bar at 11pm, almost 8 months pregnant. I was fuming. But seeing as this base has the highest STD and sexual assault rates of all the bases in Europe, I'm not exactly going to go storming off by myself trying to make it back to our hotel room. We actually got warned by another soldier right after dinner to always watch your drink because apparently roofies are like fucking skittles here. Fucking sweet. SO happy to be stationed here.

Anyway, I'm stuck there for almost an hour before I can't fucking take it anymore and I make him leave. We get back to the hotel and I'm trying really hard not to lose it but I can't help it. He seriously has the balls to ask me why I didn't give him a hint. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! LOOK AT MY BELLY! THERE IS A FUCKING HINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Never mind the fact that we've had this discussion at least 3-4 times before! He tries to justify why he didn't think the bar was that smoky and I keep trying to tell him that that's NOT the fucking point.

I end up bawling my eyes out because I'm so sad that he's such a selfish asshole who in my opinion will never fucking grow out of wanting to dress nice, go out, and party it up. And here I am in Germany... married, and pregnant with his baby, and having left my well paying job and having no idea if I'll be able to find work out here. I just resented him so much in that moment. And yeah, some of it is probably hormonal, some of it is probably the move and the uncertainty of not knowing when we'll find a house, not having our car here yet, knowing he's going to deploy in a few months, and all that shit. But a lot of it is because he seriously was a selfish asshole last night.

So today I was kind of over it and trying not to think about it or argue about it. I'm on my computer and realize there are pop-ups. Porn pop-ups that only come up when you've visited a porn site. And I know this because I watch porn. So I turn around and ask him if he was watching porn and at first he looks surprised then he admits it. Saying it in a way that implies that he just "stumbled" upon porn. Sorry fucktard, you don't just stumble across porn. Normally, I don't give a shit about porn. But.... I was laying in bed crying and pissed off at you because you're an asshole and you just sit in the same room as me and surf porn sites? I mean what the FUCK is wrong with you?!?!

Never mind the fact that right now, I'm completely HATING my body and my stupid pimply face and now I know that while I'm angry at you, you're sitting there looking at pictures of women with perfect bodies.

So now, I'm just sitting here miserable and fighting the urge to cry every 5 minutes. I feel incredibly stuck. I don't know anyone here. I can't escape him even when I'm angry. And I'm stuck in a small hotel room with the only person I know here and also the one person I don't even want to look at right now. I don't deal well with feeling trapped.

And the stupidest part? I feel GUILTY writing this stupid post bashing him and his stupid idiotic moment because I know he's not typically an asshole. I just really want to punch him in his stupid face.

I feel like a marshmallow

Why do I feel like I have pillows where my arms used to be? Seriously, whose arms are these?!

I'm having a poor me day. My poor body... Before you get all preachy on me and tell me how horrible I am for being vain and caring about my body while I'm creating the miracle of life, let me just say... bite me. I miss my nice flat tummy and I'm scared that I will never get it back. So far, I haven't gotten any stretch marks. If I could knock on wood 24/7 to prevent them, I would. I'm scared I'll have a butt where my stomach used to be. I showed postpartum pics to PB and he made it a point to look very unaffected by them. I know what he was thinking though and I want to cry. I am now more determined than ever to kill myself in the gym after this baby makes her grand entrance.

But being the idiot that I am, instead of eating a healthy snack, I just ate a gourmet cupcake. I fucking suck. Seriously, I want to punch myself in the face.

It's a celebration bitches!

I've rejoined civilization! We are out of Sierra Vista, AZ and now we're hanging out at my parents in Austin, TX. Oh the pretty stores! The nice normal people! And having a variety of restaurants to choose from? GLORIOUS! After our three months in Sierra Vista, I've realized that I can NEVER live in a small town. I would die. I'm pretty sure I was about 3 days away from going absolutely bat shit crazy. Well really, I don't have a choice in this matter for the next 7 or so years. The Army tells us where to live so if there's someone's ass I can kiss, I wish they'd point me in the right direction. We fly out to Germany on Monday. Sadly, we're going to a small town in Germany but I'm trying to make myself feel better because hey, it's Germany!

My back is killing me. I feel like an old person. I seriously am beginning to believe that my pimples are like little settlers fighting for valuable real estate on my face. It's getting really hard to move around and I think I'm only a couple of weeks from needing a fucking forklift to help me get off the couch.

It's me and PB's one year wedding anniversary. We had a super romantic day of driving down to Fort Hood with my parents, eating Jack in the Box breakfast sandwiches (and yes, I also had a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and curly fries in addition to my breakfast combo... bite me), and following my mom around the PX and Commissary and trying to hurry her along. When we got home, I got a surprise delivery of beautiful red roses and then PB and I went to go eat Pho for dinner. YUM. It's what we ate on our first date. I know, how cute! Now our friend Parker is driving up from San Antonio to stay the night at my parent's house for the next two nights before we go to Germany. PB is an ass. He wants to golf tomorrow morning so now his friend is sleeping over tonight. Annnnnnnd, PB has been drinking with my dad. If he gets Whiskey Dick on our anniversary, I'm going to be pissed.

I'm getting laid tonight. Seriously though, as if having sex in my parents house wasn't awkward enough (did I mention my 19 year old sister also lives at home), now we're adding a friend to the household. It's not like I can be like "Hey Assholes! I need to get me some so go to bed!"

Oh, and I got my Kindle in the mail yesterday. I get really bored and buy things to make myself feel amused for a while. I'm already bored with it =\ Mostly because I still have real books to read and I just really love buying and collecting books. I like the way they feel in my hands and the way they smell and I like seeing them on the bookshelf. I guess the Kindle makes sense though in cutting down the poundage for when we have to pack up and move. So far, the only thing I've downloaded is The Picture of Dorian Gray to read again. Seriously, it was free! What's not to love about that?

I'm late on reading this but I just started Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol.

Pho and Salted Pepper Chicken. YUM!

For serious?

So, here are pictures from the 27 week ultrasound taken on Saturday. Be proud, it didn't take me 2 months to post them!

Okay, now take a minute to digest these pictures. It is a 27 week old baby... in a blurry orange 3D ultrasound. Tell me why my MIL thinks the baby looks EXACTLY like Poppa Bean? I understand being proud that your child is procreating but seriously... it's an unborn baby. She doesn't look like anyone at this point. Not according to MIL. The baby is a spitting image of Poppa Bean. Also, the baby has her nose. Uh... okay. And the baby MIGHT have my eyes. And I'm thinking... is this a joke? Because I can't see the baby's eyes at all. Unless... that's the point because I'm half Asian. ha ha!

I don't know why this bothers me so much. I don't really know why SHE bothers me so much. She's just too overexcited. I wish I could slip her a valium or something. Actually, I wish I could have a valium.

Anyway, to be spiteful, I have been crossing my fingers that our daughter is the spitting image of me. Actually, I don't know why it matters. MIL will claim the kid looks just like PB anyway. Have I mentioned how happy I am that we are going to be living on another continent for the next three years?

WHY AM I SO EVIL?!?!

------- EDIT ---------

In all that craziness, I forgot to say... HOW CUTE IS MY DAUGHTER?! lol.

Ninja Baby

So, I've decided that Bean is a ninja. I mean, she has to be. I feel her practicing her ninja moves all day long. Can I just say that the best part of this whole pregnancy thing is feeling and seeing your baby move around? I honestly can't think of anything better than that. Her movements are getting so strong now! I can feel and see her dragging her feet/knees/hands (I can't tell the difference) all over the place. My tummy jerks around when she's having her ninja sessions and most of the time when I'm at home (which is pretty much always), I sit around with my belly exposed. I don't want to miss seeing anything!

So, I kind of had a freak out moment last week. Tears, panic, the whole 9. I've been losing a lot of hair over the past couple of months and I mentioned it to my OB here (the one I'm not fond of) and she brushed it off as hormones. So I mention it on babycenter and someone suggests getting my thyroid levels checked. Of course, me being the hypochondriac that I am, immediately google thyroid issues during pregnancy and see all sorts of unsettling stuff about how hypothyroidism can affect the baby's brain. I'd like to take this moment to tell you that Poppa Bean has previously banned me from going to WebMD so I probably should not have googled this at all. SO, instant freak out. Call my OB... and guess what?! She's going out of town for 3 weeks and the office is closing in an hour. REALLY?! Was this something they were going to make me aware of??? Also, they were supposed to give me my medical records before we leave this Friday. How did they plan on doing that when their offices were closing for three weeks? I was furious! I ended up getting my medical records and got in to see a regular physician on Monday. She said I was probably being paranoid and that it was just hormones but while I was there, I could just do a bunch of blood work. I like her. lol. I can call in a week and get results. After that freak out, I talked to a few other moms and they said their hair fell out a lot during pregnancy too. SO, I guess the long luxurious hair during pregnancy is just not meant to be for me.

So what did I do? Chopped all my hair off. Why am I so impulsive? I'll never learn. I mean it makes things a lot more interesting but sometimes I just have to shake my head. My whole reasoning was, if it's all gonna fall out anyway, I might as well meet it halfway! I forgot that I don't exactly look awesome with shorter hair. She probably cut off about 6 or 7 inches. It's about an inch or two below my shoulders now. Let's just hope it grows out fast.

Chunky Monkey

I know I'm supposed to gain weight with pregnancy, but it doesn't make it any easier when I step on that scale. I've been pretty good about going to the gym 3-4 times a week. This is an accomplishment because the first trimester, I would have punched anyone who even suggested I go to the gym. Although, if I had, I probably wouldn't weigh as much as I do now. Not that I'm a cow or anything. Well, maybe in a few weeks I will be. So far, I've gained anywhere from 16-18 lbs. Seriously, the number scares me. I just have to remind myself that it will all be over soon and once I get the baby out, I can get back to my old self... hopefully.

We ordered the Flip HD camera. It should be delivered today and I'm excited! We plan on getting a higher quality camera too but this one is perfect for short clips to send to Poppa Bean when he's deployed and for grandparents and other friends and family. I love new tech toys! lol.

I don't know if it's the pregnancy or what but the dogs have been really annoying me lately. They're so dirty and smelly. I hate hearing them lick themselves! I can't believe I'm going to have to deal with a baby and these two mutts by myself for a year. I honestly don't know how I'm going to pull it off. Luckily, I'm on my last class for my Master's and take the comprehensive exam a week before the baby is due. I can't imagine I'll pass it but I can hope!

Bean kicks a lot more now. Sometimes, I wonder what she's doing in there. It's like she's filming her own ninja movie. I think I felt her foot the other day. Freaky! She has been dragging her feet across my belly I think. And she stretched out the other day and kept her foot out and I felt a little nub! I hope she does it again because I want PB to feel it.

Pregnant Forever

I seriously feel like I've been pregnant forever. 25 weeks and 2 days in. Everyone else seems to think that the pregnancy is going by quickly but it feels like an eternity. Maybe it's because my back always hurts, my pregnancy acne is horrible, I feel extremely large, and pregnancy in general just kind of sucks. I wish I could be like some women who really enjoy pregnancy but it's just not in me. I can't wait to meet this little baby but I could do without the months and months of torture getting there.

I've got Poppa Bean paranoid that Bean has his nose. The last ultrasound picture we got, I don't know if it's the angle or what, but it definitely looks like Bean has his nose. Yikes. Poor girl. His mom and sister also have pretty prominent noses and I have to say, I'm not really that down with it. I'm really hoping that she takes my little nose. Poppa Bean is already aware that should Bean want rhinoplasty in the future, he owes it to her. It's cute how sad he's getting though. I should probably stop giving him such a hard time about it. lol.

We have bought quite a few things for Bean. We pretty much have all of the furniture we need and we have the bedding set and it's going to be shipped to Germany in the next week or two. We've also started her wardrobe with quite a few cute outfits. We're just waiting on the carseat and stroller to get here (which should be sometime this week) and we'll probably buy clothes up until we leave here. I don't expect to find too much at the PX in the shitty base we're moving to in Germany. Have I mentioned how not excited I am to be moving there?

I'm nervous about meeting doctor #4. I'll be a week or two late doing my 28 week labs and who knows how much pushback I'm going to get on my cesarean. Not to mention, trusting military doctors to do a good job on my cesarean. I'm terrified that they'll screw the operation up somehow and leave me completely scarred. It's starting to make me resent PB for having to move to a shitty location for my birth. I'd much rather stay with my favorite doctor and head to Germany after the birth but PB only gets a month with Bean before he leaves so... I guess it's not really an option.

Yeah, I'm too lazy to post pictures.

So I realized that I'm pretty bad at this blog thing. I'm also really bad posting pictures.... and taking them. I must have been in la-la-land when I started this blog and I thought I'd be all Super Mom and be sensitive and loving and all that jazz. Yeah, I can't fight my personality. Bean will learn sooner or later that I am an absolute asshole with a lot of neurotic tendencies. The baby has won the lottery!

So, we go to have our anatomy scan yesterday. Epic fail. The on post hospital refers us off post because they don't have OB/GYN capabilities. The OB/GYN doesn't have ultrasound equipment soooooo, back on post I go. The tech remained pretty silent throughout the whole ordeal. Not very comforting when you're sitting there wondering if your baby is deformed or is missing a vital organ. PB tried to make conversation and ask questions but the tech was a total twat. She also would not confirm gender. So now we have an appointment in a town an hour and a half away just to confirm that the baby didn't grow a penis in the last 4 weeks. I'm a little upset that we have to pay $155 to confirm but I also really like to look at the baby because hellooooo, I'm growing an alien and that's pretty freakin cool to look at.

I've been a little moody lately. I deleted all of my friends on facebook. Everyone was pissing me off. I'm slowly adding people back on though. And PB irritated me today at lunch. He said Arby's sounds good. I've told him multiple times that I don't like Arby's. He starts in on me asking, "Have you even tried their chicken sandwiches?" to which of course I replied, "No, and I don't want to." And he tries asking me again. I mean WTF! I don't like Arby's! I don't know why I am so against Arby's but just leave me the fuck alone about god damn Arby's!!! FUCK ARBY'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It made me cry and we ended up getting Wendy's drive through and eating at home and not speaking to each other.

Seriously though... fuck Arby's.

Stressed Out

I keep worrying about how my stress levels are going to affect this baby in the long run. My family has always been dysfunctional. My mom is Korean and the cultural differences and expectations are stressful enough but my mom NEEDS to be on antidepressants and refuses to take medication and to top it all off, she's going through menopause. It is a battle every day to not want to either punch her or myself in the face. My dad dotes on my little sister (she's 19) and has always been harder on me... which is fine. But living in their house again, it's just irritating to see the difference in treatment. His way of dealing with my mom is to completely shut everyone out which doesn't help my loneliness any. My sister leaves the house all the time to hang out with her douchelord of a boyfriend leaving me alone with my parents who are pissed off that she's still dating captain ass-hat. The mood is usually tense.

And I can't get through one day without my dad complaining about my dogs... my dogs that he knew were coming, that do nothing but nap and play quietly and who I usually keep with me in the room with the door closed because I don't want them bothering anyone. While my sister's dog tries to chew on furniture, digs holes all over the backyard, and refuses to leave my dogs alone.

Between the three of them, I am constantly feeling like crap. Not only am I missing Poppa Bean as this is the longest we have been apart and I can only talk to him two times a week for 30 minutes, I am constantly in the middle of my family's BS and I feel so stuck with no escape. After a huge fight this morning with my parents, I've been having slight cramps. I think everything is okay, I just read that stress is not good for the baby and now I'm worried that this past month is going to have lasting effects.

I get to pick Poppa Bean up from school next week and I can't wait. I just feel like I never want to come back here again. I had planned on staying with my parents after Poppa Bean deploys for a year when the baby is 2 months old, but I just don't think it's a good idea anymore. It sucks but I'd rather be alone in Germany with a new baby and my dogs, than here dealing with my family.

Being alone is not fun.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks but here I am, finally settled in one place for a while. I dropped Poppa Bean off at school and he'll be there for a month. He'll lose his phone privileges soon which I'm not happy about. It's amazing how attached you become to someone and how little joy there is when they're not around. I really don't know how I'll survive when he deploys if I can barely handle knowing I won't see him for a month. Being pregnant and emotional doesn't really help either.

I'll be 11 weeks tomorrow and I have an appointment on the 15th. It's at a brand new doctor and I'm hoping that they don't make me go through all of the initial appointment crap again. I already know that this appointment will probably be a waste of time and they'll just schedule me at a later day for the stuff I actually need to get done during weeks 10-12.

I took the Intelligender test for fun and it said boy but then I did the Chinese gender predictor and it said girl. I really hope it's a boy but ugh, it'll probably end up being a girl. I know, nothing to say ugh about but I just really don't want any daughters. I bought belly bands because my pants are uncomfortable. I am not really showing, I just look like I ate too many cheeseburgers... and I have. I'm breaking out in pimples all over my face and now my back. It's awesome. So much for feeling beautiful while pregnant. I just feel fat and pimply.

I haven't been getting AS tired as I was the last couple of weeks. My boobs are not as big as I read other people's being. They've just gotten fuller, not bigger. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm not pregnant. I guess I'll feel better when I go to my appointment next week. I am going to ask them if they will give me an ultrasound.

You know, with Poppa Bean being gone... I had the gutwrenching feeling today that it was just sad that it was no longer going to be just me and him anymore. I know that sounds so unbelievably selfish but I love us. I love our time together. I love that we can just fully enjoy each other at all times. It's kind of sad to know that that's going to be gone.

That and I just got an earful from my aunt about how she couldn't be both a mother and a wife because the children just consumed so much of her and the husband doesn't really know how to deal with that.

Obviously... I'm not having a good pregnant day.

Happy Father's Day!

We are officially back in the states and have been hanging out at my parents'. Today is the first day that I actually feel "normal." Morning sickness decided to hit with a vengeance on Wednesday. I'm telling you, it's always Wednesday! I was sick all day. The only meal I was able to keep down was the small breakfast I had in the morning. I threw up everything else and felt miserable all day long. Thursday was just a tiny bit better but not much. Friday a slight progression and yesterday, I got nauseous but didn't vomit. Today, fantisco! For now anyway. The only intense craving I had this week was for chocolate milk. When I finally got it, it was GLORIOUS. I have a gallon in the fridge right now.

I'm 8 weeks 1 day now. I love adding each day to my little ticker. The more time passes, the more I know this little Bean is going to stick around. Still not showing, the bloating is still there but honestly, it's not as bad as it was during weeks 4-7. My boobs started to get sore throughout the day and not just at night a few days ago. I think they've gotten bigger but it's not extremely noticeable. I keep wondering when I'm going to get monster jugs. I want those fun bags to show up! hahaha.

We got my dad a grill for Father's Day. It's a pretty nice grill and a perfect size for his backyard. Poppa Bean is going to help assemble the thing in a little bit so we can make steaks for dinner tonight. The dogs and Bean got Poppa Bean cards and two DVD's for Father's Day. Baby Mama and Knocked Up. lol

I'm travelling again on Tuesday to fly to visit Poppa Bean's family. We're having a small ceremony for his family since we never had a ceremony when we just did a paperwork marriage through the Embassy. It should definitely be interesting. I'm not really a big fan of weddings and all the frilly annoying things that come with them. lol. It's more for the parents though so I'll suck it up! Literally. I feel like I can't breathe in my dress. lol.

I hope all the wonderful dad's out there have a great Father's Day! I know Poppa Bean is enjoying his and we're both excited for what Father's Day is going to be like next year! :)

Bean's First Photoshoot

We had our first ultrasound today! It was amazing! Bean was measuring up like he should and we got to listen to the heartbeat! 120bpm! The doctor pointed out little nubs that are popping out that are going to be his little legs. We got to keep pictures and they gave me my medical record to take since we are PCS'ing. I'll have to make another appoinment in Austin. We're flying out tomorrow and headed to Austin with the dogs. Hopefully everything goes smoothly! I just have to stay hydrated and get up and walk around every hour or so to avoid blood clots.

Here's Bean!

[caption id="attachment_65" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="Bean\'s first picture!"][/caption]

Breakdown

I'm 6 weeks today. I feel fat. I really need to go to the gym but I'm just really paranoid. I've been reading too many posts about miscarriage on BabyCenter and I keep comparing the dates they had their miscarriages with where I'm at in my pregnancy. If I'm only 6 weeks, and they had miscarriages at 7 or 8, how am I supposed to be comfortable thinking that it's not going to happen to me?!

I have been a little stressed out the last couple of days. Actually, that's kind of an understatement. I have been majorly stressed out the last couple of days and I'm hoping that it doesn't affect Bean. The movers came on Friday and packed up our household goods. Transportation forgot to make the appointment for the movers to come and get unaccompanied baggage so that caused a little freak out on my part. It all got settled and the movers for household goods just packed everything up to send by boat. I guess it's a good thing we won't be in Germany for another 6 months. Saturday, we cleaned the rest of the garbage out of the apartment and dropped the dogs off at the kennel. I was tired to begin with before the move so you can only imagine what the last two days have been like.

I had a fight with Poppa Bean last night. I know some of it is hormones, because I was crying like a lunatic when normally I would have just yelled my piece and shut him out (healthy, I know). I did write a wh0le paragraph about how much of a dumbass he was but I think for his sake and Bean's in the future, I'll do away with it.

So, after the last two days I've had, I can only be paranoid about how Bean is doing.

Bean This, Bean That

Since we found out on Sunday, most of our conversations have been about Bean and I try to use Bean as an excuse for a lot of things. Eating certain foods, not wanting to do certain things, blah blah blah. The husband doesn’t buy it at all. Meanie. We got the blood test confirmation on Monday, told the grandparents, and now, here we are. I’m 4 weeks and 3 days into this thing. Morning sickness? I think they really misnamed the whole ordeal. They should have just called it The Sickness. I’ve had the pleasure of throwing up, dry heaving, stopping mid-walk and scrunching my face, and breathing through my mouth all day. I don’t foresee this letting up anytime soon. I don’t want it to though! If I can get through this trimester with Bean intact, I’ll feel a helluva lot better.

I’m going to try to go to the gym today. I’ve been slacking the last few days. I’m a little nervous how this thing will go now that I know Bean is in the house. Throw up mid-stride on the eliptical? That should be fun. I know it’s insane, but I have this fear that if I run too hard, I’m going to knock Bean out of place and he’s going to say screw this and bail. Death by treadmill. Yikes. I know, totally morbid and completely awful to say.

I see more of the toilet than I ever have in my entire life. I feel like all I do all day is pee or throw up. I empty my bladder and thirty minutes later, I gotta pee again. Then I smell the bathroom and I have to throw up. I should just name the toilet since it is officially now my new best friend. Loretta. Yup, Loretta.

My New Best Friend

My new best friend might just be the toilet. Here I was, telling the hubby this morning that I couldn't wait to start throwing up because it would make me feel pregnant. Of course, Bean wouldn't have it any other way than to have morning sickness happen at 11:30PM. At least I know Bean's taking after us and being stubborn.

I could not stop noticing how much the room smelled like dog. Then the hubby's armpits (yes, I know you're going to think I'm insane for this), which I usually think smell awesome, made me nauseous. Finally I just couldn't take the two anymore and hurled.

I'm a little anxious about what tomorrow is going to bring. I'm hoping this was just a one time thing... lol

4 Weeks

So, I'm obsessed with BabyCenter. I'm on it all day at work (which I probably shouldn't announce) and I look through it when I'm home too. I also have 3 books at home on pregnancy and 2 books for the hubby to read. I am an insane planner. So, I know that this week, I should be feeling cramping as if I were going to start my period despite being pregnant but I still can't help but kind of freak out. I don't think I"ll feel better until I get past the first three months without any issues. I know it's early and miscarriage can happen within the first trimester so I am really trying to be positive and not freak out. I'm normally extremely pessimistic, although I prefer to call it realistic, and I don't even want to THINK about the possibility of something going wrong.

But, I'm still a little nervous. So far, I haven't had any of the classic pregnancy symptoms. I had a weird headache last night and the day before but that's about it. My breasts aren't tender yet, although the left one is but I think it's because of my usual cyst. This cramping is the only thing that I've had so far. They say that next week I should start to have more symptoms and I kind of can't wait because that means I'll actually physically feel like this is really happening! It just seems surreal right now.

We got the blood test confirmation yesterday and then scheduled our initial appointment with the OB/GYN for June 8. I'll be at 6 weeks then. I know we probably won't get to see the baby at that point but it would be nice. Especially since we don't know how we're going to do this pregnancy with moving around all over the place. It should definitely be interesting!

A Big... Fat... POSITIVE!

Holy crap!!! It happened! I tested this morning at 10:00AM on the First Response Early Reponse pregnancy test and saw a faint line. I chucked it thinking I was just losing my mind but had a nagging feeling about it. I dug it back out of the trash and had the hubby read it and he saw it too! Of course, I couldn't wait until tomorrow and tested again at 6:00PM with a blue dye test and saw another faint line. Could I wait until tomorrow to test again? NO! I tested again at 8:40PM on a Clear Blue Easy Digital and... PREGNANT!!!

I can't believe it! I am over the moon! I am only 11-12 days post ovulation so I am a little nervous that something will happen between now and the day that my period would have shown up but still... EXCITED! Of course I'll be testing again tomorrow and seeing if I can get in to the doctor's to get a blood test confirmation but for now... I'm so excited I wish I could tell everyone! Hubby is making me keep quiet for a little while longer which is probably the smart thing to do. Ahhhhhhh!!

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